My Life Feels Heavy

I don’t know where to start. Lately, my health has been all over the place. My reflexes are getting slower, my blood pressure is playing hide and seek—sometimes too high, other times too low—and I forget things a lot. It’s like my brain is on a long lunch break and forgot to come back. Honestly, I’m starting to feel like one of those old cars you’re afraid to take on a road trip.  

It’s been 1 year, 7 months, and 6 days since May 12, 2023. That day wasn’t a physical accident, but an emotional one that shattered me. She was in my life when I traveled here. In fact, I traveled for her. I came all the way to Istanbul to do my MBA, not just for my career but to impress her father. I thought if I achieved more, I could secure her and our future. But the truth is, her father was the one who pulled us apart.  

And she… she accepted it. She moved on so quickly, choosing someone else. Maybe it was quick money, or maybe something else—I don’t know. What I do know is she broke all the promises we made to each other. For seven years, she was my world. I never looked at another girl because she was enough. She was my everything. And now, after her, I feel like I’ve lost the ability to feel. Or maybe it’s not the feelings I’ve lost but the courage. I’m afraid of repeating the same mistake, of trusting someone only to end up broken again.  

Despite everything, I managed to stand up, at least on paper. I came to Istanbul thousands of miles away from home to do my MBA, and I did it. A few weeks ago, I graduated on time with a great CGPA. I worked as a teacher and in IT to keep myself busy. But busy doesn’t fix broken. It just distracts you for a while.  

Sometimes, I feel like life is laughing at me. It’s like that moment in Vanilla Sky: "The sweet is never as sweet without the sour." Well, I think I’ve had enough sour to last a lifetime.  

I miss my parents. I miss being close to the people who care about me. My mother, my father—they’re so far away, and it feels like I’ve lost my anchor. Maybe that’s why my health is acting up. Maybe it’s just the weight of being away from home, from love, from everything familiar.  

Right now, I don’t even know what’s happening to me. But I’m trying. I really am. Even when it feels like life is one long, sad joke, I get up. Maybe tomorrow will be better. Maybe not. But I’ll keep going because that’s all I can do.

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The Life and Legacy of Harshad Mehta

The Life and Legacy of Harshad Mehta

1. Early Life and Career Beginnings
Harshad Mehta was born on July 29, 1954, in Mumbai, India. After earning a Bachelor’s degree in Commerce from Lala Lajpat Rai College, he began working as a stockbroker in the 1980s. By the early 1990s, Mehta had gained prominence in the Indian stock market, earning the title "The Big Bull" for his bold and aggressive trading strategies.

2. The Rise of "The Big Bull"
Mehta’s meteoric rise was fueled by his ability to exploit loopholes in the banking system. He introduced new methods of trading, such as using fake bank receipts to secure loans for large-scale investments. These practices allowed him to manipulate stock prices, earning massive profits. A striking example was his manipulation of Associated Cement Company (ACC) shares, where the price skyrocketed from ₹200 to ₹9,000 in just a few months.

3. The 1992 Stock Market Scam
In April 1992, the Indian financial system was rocked by the exposure of Mehta's scam. It was revealed that he had used fraudulent methods to siphon funds from banks into the stock market. The scam caused the market to crash, resulting in losses of over ₹1,000 crore. The Indian financial system underwent major reforms in response to this incident, with stricter regulations introduced to prevent future scams.

4. Wealth and Lifestyle
At the peak of his career, Mehta’s net worth was estimated at ₹3,500 crore (approximately $480 million). His luxurious lifestyle included expensive cars, a sea-facing apartment, and high-profile connections. However, his wealth rapidly declined following the exposure of the scam, as legal battles and government seizures consumed his assets.

5. Legal Consequences and Death
Mehta faced over 70 criminal charges and hundreds of civil suits. He was convicted in several cases, including the Maruti Udyog scam, and served multiple prison sentences. On December 31, 2001, Harshad Mehta died of a heart attack in Thane jail, where he was serving his sentence.

6. Legacy and Impact
Despite the controversies, Mehta’s story is a significant chapter in India’s financial history. His actions led to stricter regulations by the Securities and Exchange Board of India (SEBI), bringing transparency and accountability to the stock market. While his name remains synonymous with financial fraud, Mehta's story also serves as a lesson on the dangers of unchecked ambition and the importance of ethical practices in business.

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The Reality of Money

Money Matters: A Reflection on Modern Values

In January 2024, during one of my lectures at Manara International School in Başakşehir, Istanbul, I had a deep and meaningful discussion with my grade 12 students about life, success, and the role of money. These students, standing at the threshold of practical life, are eager to understand what lies ahead. It was during this lecture that an important truth about modern society emerged, one that I felt compelled to share.

The Conversation Begins

I started by addressing a common phrase we often hear: "Money doesn’t matter." While it may sound virtuous, I pointed out that this statement is far from the reality we live in today. I told them, "Money matters. Money is everything." My words startled the students, and their reactions were immediate.

Curious and somewhat confused, they asked me why I was saying such a thing. I then posed a question to them: "What is success?" Most of their answers revolved around one idea: becoming rich.

“Success is about getting rich,” they said confidently.

Hearing their unanimous response, I nodded and told them, "Now let’s go deeper into this idea of success."

The Reality of Money

I explained that the Almighty God did not send us to this world merely to accumulate wealth. Life is meant to be lived according to the rules set out in the Quran. Yet, in today’s world, we associate almost everything—happiness, relationships, and honor—with money.

I went on to say, “When we prioritize wealth above all else, we begin to weigh people not by their character, values, or contributions to society, but by how much money they have. A person’s wealth now determines their status and influence, regardless of their morality or behavior.”

This led me to a bold statement: "Money is God."

The classroom fell silent. The students looked at me in shock, some exclaiming, “Astaghfirullah, Sir! Why are you saying this?”

A Lesson in Faith

I clarified my point. "The reason I say this," I told them, "is because we have started treating money as if it is the ultimate power. We associate success and happiness with wealth. We measure relationships and respect by financial standing. When we do this, we unconsciously replace the Almighty God with money in our hearts."

I reminded them that this mindset is a form of shirk—the act of associating partners with Allah, the greatest sin in Islam. "We have made money our god," I said. "And this is a dangerous path."

A Moment of Reflection

As the discussion continued, I saw the realization dawn upon their faces. They began to understand the weight of my words. By the end of the lecture, they agreed with the perspective I had shared. It was a moment of collective reflection—not just for them, but for me as well.

The Takeaway

The purpose of sharing this incident is to highlight the importance of aligning our lives with true values. Money, while necessary, should never take precedence over faith, character, and purpose. As a society, we need to re-evaluate what we define as success and ensure that our priorities do not lead us astray.

The Almighty has blessed us with resources to live a balanced life, not one solely driven by the pursuit of wealth. Let’s strive to remember this truth and teach it to the next generation, so they can lead lives that are meaningful, fulfilling, and true to their Creator’s guidance.

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A Tale of Two Choices

The Cost of Chasing Dreams Abroad: A Tale of Two Choices

In recent times, many Pakistanis, inspired by others, have set out to move to the UK, Europe, or the USA. Some have succeeded, while others remain caught in the effort to migrate. Let me share the story of two individuals who faced contrasting outcomes in their pursuit of a better life abroad. Although I won’t disclose their names or cities, the lessons from their experiences are universal.

The First Story: A Costly Struggle in the UK

The first individual hailed from a village and was relatively educated. He sold a significant portion of his ancestral land, fetching nearly 10 million PKR (Pakistani Rupees), to fund his journey abroad. He consulted two agents: one offered a route to the USA via South America for 9 million PKR, while the other proposed a direct work permit to the UK for about the same cost.

Driven by the desire to join the wave of people heading abroad, he chose the UK option. Within a month of arriving, however, his dreams began to unravel. The company that sponsored his work permit had no actual job for him, and the permit was soon canceled.

Faced with two choices—returning to Pakistan or finding another work permit—he decided to stay. Through a connection, he secured another work permit but had to pay a hefty fee, depleting his remaining savings. This left him completely broke in Pakistan.

The new company informed him that while they couldn’t offer a job, they could help him find one elsewhere. However, he would need to pay both his own taxes and the company’s government-mandated taxes to keep his permit valid.

Desperate, he took on two jobs, but even after covering his expenses, taxes, and rent, he could barely save 50,000 to 60,000 PKR a month to send back home. This was after spending nearly 18 million PKR in total to settle abroad.

The Second Story: Building a Life Locally

The second individual also dreamed of moving abroad but lacked formal education. He had saved around 3 million PKR for his plans but couldn’t proceed. On the advice of a well-wisher, he decided to invest the money locally instead.

He opened a general store in his area and added a chicken meat counter alongside. Within a few months, his small venture began earning him a significant monthly profit. Today, he enjoys a comfortable life with his family, earning far more than he could have if he had gone abroad.

Lessons to Learn

These two stories highlight the importance of making informed decisions. Jumping on the bandwagon of migration without research and planning can lead to disastrous consequences.

If you are highly skilled—such as a doctor, engineer, or IT professional—and receive a genuine job offer from abroad, it might make sense to go. However, selling off assets and blindly heading overseas is not the answer, especially in a time when countries like the UK, USA, and Europe are facing economic recessions and tightening their visa policies.

On the other hand, investing in a local business, even on a small scale, can offer a stable and prosperous future. Sometimes, the opportunities we seek abroad can be created right at home.

Think carefully, research thoroughly, and consult trusted advisors before making such life-altering decisions. Chasing a dream is worthwhile, but it should not come at the cost of financial ruin or personal despair.

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Mehran Karimi Nasseri

Mehran Karimi Nasseri, known as "Sir Alfred," was an Iranian refugee who lived in Terminal 1 of Charles de Gaulle Airport in Paris from 1988 to 2006. His prolonged stay was due to complex bureaucratic and legal issues. Born in 1945, Nasseri lost his Iranian citizenship after taking part in protests against Iran's Shah, and Europe was cautious about granting him asylum permanently. He eventually received refugee status in Belgium, but he lost the papers, leaving him stranded in Paris. France could not deport him due to his lack of official documentation, and he couldn't board flights either, making the airport his home.

In 1999, when Belgium finally reissued his refugee documents, Nasseri reportedly distrusted the paperwork, considering it fake, and chose to remain in the airport. He became a fixture there, sleeping on benches, washing in staff facilities, and gaining a following among airport staff and travelers. In 2004, his story inspired the film "The Terminal", which starred Tom Hanks as a character based on Nasseri's experience. He left the airport only in 2006 when he required hospitalization and later lived in a Paris shelter.

Nasseri passed away from a heart attack on November 12, 2022, in the same airport. Following his death, he was reportedly buried in France.

Mehran Karimi Nasseri

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Eye Movements Before Death: A Medical and Islamic Perspective

Eye Movements Before Death: A Medical and Islamic Perspective

The phenomenon of people looking around or appearing to gaze at something unseen before death is observed in many cases. This can be understood from both medical and Islamic religious perspectives.

Medical Perspective:

Medically, there are several reasons why a person may exhibit such behavior before death:

1. Loss of Brain Function: As the body starts shutting down, blood flow to the brain decreases. This can cause confusion, hallucinations, or involuntary eye movements. The brain's inability to function properly may lead to strange eye movements or the appearance of "looking around."

2. Delirium and Hallucinations: In the last stages of life, many people experience delirium, a state of confusion that can involve visual or auditory hallucinations. This could explain why some individuals seem to be looking around at things that others cannot see.

3. Agonal Breathing: In some cases, when the brain is oxygen-deprived, there can be a gasping reflex and involuntary movements, including eye movements, which can appear as if the person is looking around.

4. Neurological Signals: As the brain and nervous system degrade, random neurological signals may cause the eyes to move without conscious control.

Islamic Perspective:

In Islam, death is considered a significant transition from the worldly life to the afterlife. Several Islamic teachings touch on the experiences of a person close to death:

1. Angels of Death: According to Islamic belief, at the moment of death, the angel of death (Malak al-Mawt) comes to take the soul. It is believed that a dying person may sense the presence of angels around them, which could be why they appear to look around or be in awe. There are also reports in Islamic tradition that a righteous soul will be greeted by angels who bring good tidings, whereas a sinful soul may witness more fearful sights.

2. The Unseen World (Al-Ghayb): Islam teaches that certain aspects of the unseen (Al-Ghayb), including angels or even visions of the afterlife, may become visible to a person close to death. This may explain why a person’s eyes might appear to be following something that others cannot see.

3. Soul’s Departure: The Quran mentions that Allah takes away the souls at the time of death (Quran 39:42). Islamic tradition also narrates that the soul leaves the body in stages, and during these moments, the person may experience visions related to the afterlife. This could include seeing their position in paradise or hellfire.

4. Last Moments and Gaze: The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) is reported to have said that when a person dies, their gaze follows their departing soul. This could explain why dying people may seem to stare in a particular direction or have a fixed gaze.

- Medically, eye movements and looking around may be caused by neurological deterioration, hallucinations, or lack of oxygen in the brain as the body shuts down.

- Islamically, it may be that the person is seeing angels or other elements from the unseen world, and their gaze may follow their departing soul.

Both perspectives offer insight into the behaviors observed during the moments before death, highlighting the profound and complex nature of this transition.

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Earth's Self-Healing Process

Fungi That Eats Plastic Found in the Ocean: A Ray of Hope for the Planet?

The discovery of plastic-eating fungi in the ocean offers a remarkable glimpse of nature's ability to heal itself, bringing optimism to the global fight against plastic pollution. This finding suggests that Earth has its own mechanisms for dealing with the environmental destruction caused by human activity, particularly the pervasive issue of plastic waste.

Plastic Pollution: A Global Crisis

Plastic waste has become one of the most significant threats to marine life and ecosystems. Each year, over 8 million metric tons of plastic enter the oceans, where it can take hundreds of years to decompose. It chokes wildlife, poisons food chains, and contributes to the destruction of marine ecosystems. Despite global efforts to reduce plastic use and improve recycling, the scale of pollution remains overwhelming.

However, a new discovery has sparked hope: scientists have identified fungi in the ocean that can break down plastics.

The Discovery of Plastic-Eating Fungi

In recent years, researchers have found certain fungi with the extraordinary ability to break down and consume plastics. A group of researchers from China and Pakistan, led by Dr. Yue Zhao and Dr. Muhammad Iqbal, discovered this type of fungi in the coastal waters near Karachi and the Pacific Ocean. The fungal species Aspergillus tubingensis was first found to degrade plastic in a landfill, but further research revealed that it also thrives in ocean environments.

Aspergillus tubingensis can break down plastic in a matter of weeks, as opposed to the centuries it takes under natural circumstances. This discovery could provide a natural and sustainable method of reducing plastic waste.

How Do These Fungi Work?

The fungi secrete enzymes that chemically break down the polymer bonds in plastics. Once the plastics have been broken down into simpler compounds, the fungi can absorb these materials as nutrients. Unlike conventional recycling, which involves complex industrial processes, this biological method works in natural settings, without requiring human intervention.

This biological degradation holds great promise for combating the massive accumulation of plastic in oceans and landfills alike. Though it won't be an instant solution, it offers a powerful tool to supplement current waste management efforts.

Earth's Self-Healing Process?

The discovery of plastic-eating fungi is a reminder of the planet's incredible resilience. In many ways, Earth has evolved mechanisms to repair and regenerate itself when environmental crises arise. While human intervention has accelerated the rate of pollution, these fungi present an example of how nature can adapt and counterbalance the negative impacts.

The presence of these fungi in the ocean is a signal that, given the right conditions, Earth can fight back against even the most destructive human activities. These findings add to growing research that showcases nature’s remarkable ability to evolve in response to new challenges, such as the discovery of  Ideonella sakaiensis, a bacterium capable of digesting PET plastics, another hopeful development.

Challenges and the Path Ahead

Despite this promising discovery, there are still significant hurdles to overcome before plastic-eating fungi can be used on a large scale. Researchers must study how these fungi can be harnessed without disrupting delicate marine ecosystems. Additionally, developing effective strategies to deploy these fungi in the fight against plastic pollution will require time and collaboration between scientists, governments, and industries.

However, the potential for this method to alleviate some of the harm caused by plastic waste cannot be ignored. If we can work alongside nature to amplify its natural healing processes, we may be able to reverse some of the damage caused by decades of unchecked pollution.

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What is Success?

Some students recently asked me, "Sir, what is success?" I replied with a simple idea: "For some people, success is having a lot of money. But how much money is enough? That's a tricky question because there seems to be no end to it."

However, I believe success is more than just money. In my view, it's about achieving the things that truly matter to you. If you work hard to make your heartfelt wishes come true, that's success. I want to emphasize that these wishes should be yours, not something you copied from someone else because they seem successful.

Let's take examples like a person who dreams of becoming a writer or opening a café. If they put in effort and see their dreams come true, that's success to me.

I also want to challenge the idea that success is all about money. It's a bit like a bottomless pit – the more you have, the more you want. I've never met someone with a million dollars who says, "I don't need more!"

To put it simply, success goes beyond money; it's about making your true dreams a reality. As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, "To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded."

So, success is not just about the zeros in your bank account but about living a fulfilling life pursuing your genuine dreams. As Henry David Thoreau wisely put it, "Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it." It's in the journey of following our passions that we often find the real meaning of success.

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I'm broken and tired

June the twelfth, a blackened stain,

A love once bright, now drowned in pain.

Her vows dissolved, like morning dew,

Left me shattered, emotions askew.

In shadows deep, my heart does weep,

A tale of love, now lost so steep.

Seven years, a bond so tight,

Vanished like stars in the cold, dark night.

December's chill, my soul does shiver,

A cruel affliction, my heart's river.

Blood pressure rises, a silent storm,

7 years crumble, a heart forlorn.

MBA books, a heavy load,

Lecturer's role, a path I strode.

Juggling dreams with the weight of despair,

A broken soul, gasping for air.

In the labyrinth of sadness, I roam,

No comfort found, a heartache's home.

She was my sun, my moon, my all,

Now darkness reigns, a somber thrall.

Now let the words in Arabic flow,

تعرف القلب الألم الذي يكمن في الظلام

سبع سنوات من الحب تختفي كظلال الليل البارد

الثاني عشر من يونيو، يوم أسود يرتسم في حنجرتي

وعودها تتلاشى كندى الصباح، تركتني محطمًا في الألم

وها أنا اليوم، تاسع من ديسمبر، تمتلكني أمواج من ارتفاع وانخفاض ضغط الدم

الدورة الأخيرة لدراستي في إدارة الأعمال، ولكن لدعم نفسي، أنا هنا أيضاً

محاضر في جامعة، روتين صعب حتى وأنا مكسور

لا راحة، فقط حزن يعصف بي ويتسلل إلى كل خلية في جسدي

كانت لي كل شيء، لم أتخيل يوماً أن أعيش بدونها

تمنعني والديها من الزواج، وهي توافق وتتركني

وفي لغتي الأم، اُردو:

تاریخ جون ١٢، ٢٠٢٣، یہ میرے زندگی کا سیاہ دن

سات سالوں کا تعلق، چمکتی محبت کا خواب، اب راتوں میں ڈھل گیا

میرے دل کو چھوڑا گیا خیالاتی، صاف اور روشن محبت کا دشمن

دسمبر کی سردی میں، میری روح ہلکلے سے کانپتی ہے

خود زخمی، دل کا رقیب، خوابوں کی کتابوں کا بوجھ ہے

محاضر کا کردار، راہ جو میں چلا رہا ہوں

خوابوں کی بہتانیوں کے ساتھ، ایک ٹوٹا ہوا دل، ہوا میں چیختا ہوا

افسوس کے لیے جدول میں گھیرے ہوئے، میں گھومتا ہوں

کوئی ارام نہیں ملتا، دکھ کا گھر

وہ میرا سورج تھی، میرا چاند، میرا سب کچھ تھا

اب اندھیرا ہوا راج کرتا ہے، ایک خاموش غلبہ

• عبداللہ محمود •

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whats going on?

 How is today? How to tell how today is!

Today is a sad and emotional day. It's cloudy outside. The weather is like rain but it is not raining. In the clouds the mood is sad and in the rain the mood is somewhat happy.

How is it that our emotions are also controlled by the weather? Right now I'm sitting in the library reading a marketing book on my laptop. whose paper is two days later. Looking at the weather outside the library window.

I have put hands free. And listening to Ennio Morricone's tune Cinema Paradiso; A very sad song from a great movie; A future idea comes to my mind on such occasion.

At the same time, on the other side, far away from here, what will another young man be doing? And what must he be thinking? Every person has his own story and his own life. Every human being has his own goals and desires. In such a situation, only one prayer comes out from my heart to God.

O Allah! Make all our unfulfilled desires not unfulfilled but fulfilled, Amen

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