I don’t know where to start. Lately, my health has been all over the place. My reflexes are getting slower, my blood pressure is playing hide and seek—sometimes too high, other times too low—and I forget things a lot. It’s like my brain is on a long lunch break and forgot to come back. Honestly, I’m starting to feel like one of those old cars you’re afraid to take on a road trip.
It’s been 1 year, 7 months, and 6 days since May 12, 2023. That day wasn’t a physical accident, but an emotional one that shattered me. She was in my life when I traveled here. In fact, I traveled for her. I came all the way to Istanbul to do my MBA, not just for my career but to impress her father. I thought if I achieved more, I could secure her and our future. But the truth is, her father was the one who pulled us apart.
And she… she accepted it. She moved on so quickly, choosing someone else. Maybe it was quick money, or maybe something else—I don’t know. What I do know is she broke all the promises we made to each other. For seven years, she was my world. I never looked at another girl because she was enough. She was my everything. And now, after her, I feel like I’ve lost the ability to feel. Or maybe it’s not the feelings I’ve lost but the courage. I’m afraid of repeating the same mistake, of trusting someone only to end up broken again.
Despite everything, I managed to stand up, at least on paper. I came to Istanbul thousands of miles away from home to do my MBA, and I did it. A few weeks ago, I graduated on time with a great CGPA. I worked as a teacher and in IT to keep myself busy. But busy doesn’t fix broken. It just distracts you for a while.
Sometimes, I feel like life is laughing at me. It’s like that moment in Vanilla Sky: "The sweet is never as sweet without the sour." Well, I think I’ve had enough sour to last a lifetime.
I miss my parents. I miss being close to the people who care about me. My mother, my father—they’re so far away, and it feels like I’ve lost my anchor. Maybe that’s why my health is acting up. Maybe it’s just the weight of being away from home, from love, from everything familiar.
Right now, I don’t even know what’s happening to me. But I’m trying. I really am. Even when it feels like life is one long, sad joke, I get up. Maybe tomorrow will be better. Maybe not. But I’ll keep going because that’s all I can do.
